Redefine the Label, Release the Hurt

 Have you ever been labeled before?  I'm 99.99% sure that you have! The truth of the matter is that we've all been labeled in some capacity.  It's what we do with those labels that shape our lives. 

In this episode, I discuss labels, how even the labels that are accurate can cause the most damage in our lives, and what can be done to combat the labels that have once defined who you are and how you show up. 

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Transcript

Hey, all welcome to the Oasis Space, where we disrupt your current chaos with creative peace. I am your host, Patrice Grymes, a.k.a. the peace curator, and I'm just gonna start off this episode by kicking the gate wide open with this one. No, I am not lukewarm. I'm multidimensional. All right. And let me just explain what I mean by that, because I know for those of you that come from a religious background or know anything about the Christianity faith, right. There is a scripture that references that you can either be hot or cold. If you are lukewarm, you will be spewed out of the mouth of God. And simply put, you know, it's basically a label that has been put out at one time that would suggest. I or another person can't be used and that I can't make an impact and, you know, quite honestly, I beg to differ. You know, I beg to differ because, again, I don't think is that I'm lukewarm. I think I'm multi-dimensional because I have different experiences that have caused me to have different layers that I believe make me relatable. I believe it's the way that I can show up in different ways for different people of all ages and backgrounds. And not because like from a sense of being phony or putting on, but because I've taken the time to learn people like, I guess, a lot of engaging questions. So much so that some people probably get irritated by it sometimes.

But, you know, I do ask a lot of questions all the time just because I like it and really enjoy getting to know people and just how they think how they operate. Right. I love really understanding their backgrounds. And so, you know, that may not always be where I'm. Quoting scriptures, right, maybe I'm belting out a trap song lyric in and had the time, you know, like I think I saw a quote like I love Jesus, but I also love rap music. Listen, that is butcheries. All right. I'm gonna write right now, but it's like I find, you know, different ways to connect with people, not as a way to a community where I'm just putting on and I'm just adjusting myself every time everywhere for whatever the audience is. But I'm showing up for how people need me to show up to meet them where they are so that I can actually create the impact. And so, you know, I am still 100 percent authentically me every time. It doesn't mean that I'm, you know, being somebody I'm not just so that I can fit in. That's not what I'm doing. I'm not fitting in by any stretch of the imagination. What I'm doing is I'm showing up as me, but I am meeting this person where they are. And so I think sometimes that comes off as, quote, lukewarm because, you know, you have to be on fire, so to speak, for God.

And seems like you have to be quoting these scriptures all the time, etc. But sometimes it doesn't require all of it. You know, it's the character that's really going to shine, you know. And so. You know what that means, it sometimes occurs. You know, I'm a keep it all the way one, which you may get a cut on his pockets if you haven't already heard it. So it's like that may give a certain population of listeners a little pause and a sorry to your ears if you are offended by it, but you are here, the ace of spades. So I would just, you know, employ you to maybe go ahead and click stop now. Er, you know, this just might not be for you, you know. Do you think that this is going to be offensive? It might be for you to you know, and I'm sorry like I would love for you to stay here. But, you know, if you're not able to, you know, engage in here a couple of curse words because it's not like I'm just popping off crazy. Right. But, you know, again, they are sometimes workers and it's not to curse out somebody. Right. Again, it's not something where my character is altered. I'm still being utilized.

I'm still an extension of love. I'm still this extension of God because I feel like I'm able to operate in the Earth as an extension of him by just being a advocate of love and showing and showing up for people in various ways. But again, if you're not able to get past it and then this may not be the case for you and I, you know, I get it and I love you just the same. But if you are able to get past it, I think you will be able to learn and grow and continue to evolve. And just, here again, some additional perspective, you know, because I think, you know, once we realize the end of the day, I believe everyone has been labeled at some point in their lifetime. You know, and the problem that I have with labels is this idea that you have to fall in. One extreme or the other. Right, and I'm going to tell you an example of what I mean by that. Right. So when I was 13, I became a pick like I remember like it was yesterday. My parents came to my brother and me and felt like they were called and said, we're going to start this church. How do you feel about it? And it was like, OK, I guess. Yeah, I guess that's cool. Like, what are you supposed to say? Like, no, God, don't call my parents, you know, like if you call, you call.

Right. So we became PCRs. I was 13. My brother was 20, you know, but very quickly I learned that I was put into this label of, you know, as this piqué that I had to either be this perfect teenager, this perfect person, so godly, so angelic, quoted scriptures. Although those were the two options like there was no in-between, there wasn't just a regular teenager trying to get through life, trying to go through the glass and think about what outfit she was going to wear to class would just be pathetic, because that was really what was on my mind before all of that happened. In the Mediascape era, which I write like, that was the most important thing on my agenda every day of the week was to show up to class. Listen to you. Until I found out that I was now going to be this pick where this label was put on me of, you know, who am I going to show up now? As I got to be on all the time, I got to be perfect or. Am I this whole right and again, I know that every single person in your life like you has all been called a label at some point, right? Whether it was a nerd, whether it was fat, skinny, you know, little knock knees, you know, there has been some label that has been given to you, you know, and I'm sure there are labels were even like mine was true.

Right. My label as a pick, which for those of you don't know, is a pastor's kid. Like though that label was true and even some of your labels may be true. As you know, maybe one of your labels was the like maybe was like, oh, she's super sensitive or something like that. Or maybe she's the older sister. And that was a true label. That was a true statement. That was a true characteristic. But what I learned was that. Oftentimes, the labels that aren't true, they may hurt, right, like when I was called a hoe, like they that I stuck a little bit, but not that much because I knew I wasn't out there when I knew I wasn't out there busting it wide open. You know, I wasn't doing anything. I was a good girl. Like, I wasn't doing anything barely. I was talking to boys, you know. But if the labels that actually are true but don't fully define the full extent of your character that I found have done the most damage. And what I mean by that is, again, like some of the false labels could be, you being called a ho, maybe is, maybe is you're stupid and you're not actually stupid. It's just that maybe you learned differently.

Maybe it's because you had, you know, do you read differently or something like that. Right. There are certainly some different, you know, false labels that can come up. You know, I was just hearing something before where. This person's parent was being called an alcoholic, and that wasn't true, was that they were taking medication and so if they had one single glass of wine, they were then, you know, would appear to be heavily intoxicated. But people on the outside looking in would not know that. Right. And so that was a label that's false. And so it's like it hurts, but not that much if you don't really like it if you know, that's not really true. Right. Is the ones that are actually true. But it doesn't really explain the full extent that causes the most damage because you then feel like you have to live up to these expectations. And you know, for me, like I say, when when I was being called a peak, it's like, yeah, this is true, but now I feel like I got to be on all the time. I've got to be perfect all the time. I've got to be kind of angelic so that people don't think I'm this home. So people know that my you know, I'm a good representation of my parents. And so similarly. Right, if you have it a label where maybe you're in your job and you're killing it.

Right. Like you're a boss, you're this go-getter and you're like, oh, you know, like maybe your label is this Miss Independent, right? Like, oh, she needs nobody for nothing. And out of that and it's like, well maybe it is true. Like maybe you kind of you are the boss you independent girl and that's great. It's a true label you got here killing it. You in you're in the boardroom, you out here making boss moves you out here making the decisions, you're assertive, you're doing this. But where the damage comes in is because you have to live up to this expectation where everybody expects you to show up as his boss almost in every area of life. And the job they expect you to make all the decisions they expect you to perform and show up every single job like you can have an off day. And you just get exhausted, right, and I'm sure I'm speaking to some of you out there that's been killing the network, whoever is a boss out there on the job and killing it and you feel like you never got an off day, you got to show up everywhere with your family, with your job, with your kids, with whoever you got to show up as a boss. You got to make all the decisions all the time. And it's like this is a true label, like, yeah, I am a boss, I am out here killing it.

But when is anybody going to show up to be a boss for me? Like when is anybody going to be able to to to show up to to be authoritative so that I can take it rest. Right. And so it's those things where it's like you have to live up to these expectations because then it's their sphere that creeps in that if I'm not showing up like a boss today if I'm not showing up as this person that takes care of everyone all the time, then who am I? And am I going to still be needed? And if I'm not needed in the capacity that I'm generally always showing up in, then will I be discarded? Right, and that's when those fears and those insecurities and those doubts set in, and that's where the damage starts to really disrupt our lives and really disrupt our peace and. The last point that I just got of want to make is that you know. I realize that people will generally put you in a box that's convenient. Or comfortable for them until you show them something otherwise, and so I think the way to combat that is start living by the and factor like really what I mean like and, you know, you're basically when you say it and you're basically saying, OK, and so what? Right.

So it's like separately saying like, yes, I am that thing. So going back to being a boss, like, yes, I am bossy. Yes, I am a boss, but. You know, it's like I am a boss and right. But it's adding on to that to say, like, I'm a boss, but I'm also independent, I'm also assertive, I'm also dependable. I'm also someone people can rely on to get things done. I'm also smart. I'm also fabulous. And I'm also flexible when I see someone else who has the qualities to step up to be a leader so I don't have to write. So it's like start living by that and factor because you have the ability to define what you want those labels to be. You don't have to allow other people to define it for you. When you start living by that and factor, you take the power away from the sting of those words, like what was meant to create something to be hurtful, like when people are calling you ochi bossy or cheaters that are there. It's like if that was meant to be something hurtful, you take the sting out of it by saying and like, you know what else like what else you got because X, Y, Z on this then thirt. But I'm also. All of these other great qualities, right, and I'll tell you, show me something, otherwise I'm going to continue being this plus these additional qualities, right? Like, again, you give the meaning to the word.

You define what it is. You define the great qualities of those things. And once you determine that, you don't have to allow the labels to define you define the label. That's when you really carry the power. That's when you really embody the piece, and that's when you can move forward, you know. So again, this is just a really quick episode that I wanted to just give you guys a reminder about, because, again, I just realized it as I was reading through some stuff and just how labels kind of pop up in our lives, because, again, it's something that affects all of us, quite honestly, whether man or woman, boy, child, young, all whatever. We are all out here and label y'all we're all going to label is what you're doing with these labels is what you're answering to and how you define and these labels that are really going to set the tone and the trajectory of your life. So, you know, with that being said, if you enjoyed this episode, I am someone that absolutely loves feedback, you know? So if you want, you can send me an email at the Oasis Space at Patris Crimes dot com if you want to, you know, give me something private or you can leave comments. You can write a review. I would absolutely adore that if you were writing the podcast.

And then separately, you know, if you're not aware, join the conversation. Write the Oasis Space piece bassoons Facebook community. We all were here. It's an intimate community where we're discussing the podcast hobbies along with any other topics that may be coming up along through the week, and into MySpace as a safe space where we again share these topics together. And I want you all to be a part of that. If that's something of interest to you, where you're like, I need some support, I realize that the united pillar is something that I need some additional help with. I need some community. I realize I can use some support. I need someone to hold me accountable. This exactly where you need to be. Come on over to the Oasis Space piece pursuits. I'd love to have you over there. And then, you know, you can check the show notes for the link where you can really just access all the ways to engage me. It is my associates have backslash piece curator link. And again, that gives you access to all of the links where you can engage with me on social media as well as my other platforms for Koshien, etc. So with that being said, you guys, I want you to live your best life and embody peace without ever compromising your authentic identity and like yours.