Outrunning Performance Based Complexes to Get to the Peace w/ Lindsay Rae Perry

Have you ever experienced rejection? Unworthiness? Lack of identity?  I believe a lot of times these deep rooted characteristics show up in people who identify as over achievers.  The desire to perform your way into the hearts of those closest to you for accolades oftentimes outweighs any true desire to perform due to actual passion, which ultimately ends up disrupting your peace.   

In this episode, I am joined in The Oasis Space with Lindsay Rae Perry, where we discuss ditching the performance based complexes, being clear in the vision we have for our life because simply knowing what we DON'T want isn't good enough, the necessity to forgive, and the requirement to heal and find identity if we desire any form of success.

The Oasis Space Rapid Value Questions

What is the one thing you like to do to sustain or reset your peace?
- Bubble baths, good neo-soul playlist, candles lit, and glass of red wine

Name one book or song that's helped you to define peace.
- Redefining Wealth for Yourself by Patrice Washington
https://www.amazon.com/Redefine-Wealth-Yourself-Chasing-Finally/dp/0985908068/ref=sr_1_3?crid=24TPL2U3999N3&dchild=1&keywords=redefining+wealth+for+yourself&qid=1620099154&sprefix=redefining+wealth%2Caps%2C151&sr=8-3
- Amazing by Tank
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A50FdeQnpO4

- The Refiner feat. Chandler Moore & Steffany Gretzinger
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGFCbmvk0vo


How do you define peace for yourself now?
- Jesus. Peace is a person. Peace has a name.  Knowing i'm seated in heavenly places. I'm in the palm of God's hand.

Fill in the blank:

- My name is Lindsay Rae Perry, and without peace, I'd probably be hustling, grinding, and unfulfilled and not really making an impact in this world, but with peace I am living the life of my dreams, i have the family of my dreams, living in peace, building an abundant life in business with grace  and ease and i'm living in prosperity.
 
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LINKS:

Engage with Patrice:
www.sociatap.com/ThePeaceCurator
Instagram: ThePeaceCurator
Email: theoasisspace@patricegrimes.com

Join The Oasis Space - PEACE PURSUITS FB Community:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/theoasisspace

To advertise on the podcast:
Email: TheOasisSpace@patricegrimes.com

If you have questions about booking Patrice or sponsoring the podcast:
Email: TheOasisSpace@patricegrimes.com

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Connect with Lindsay:
@LindsayRaePerry on all Social Media Platforms

I AM Quotient Facebook Community
https://www.facebook.com/groups/776356643276433

Website:
https://www.lindsayraeperry.com/book-online

Transcript

Hello and welcome to the Oasis Space, where we disrupt your current chaos with creative peace. I am your host, Patrice Grymes, a.k.a. the peace curator, and I am super excited to have my P2P business sister, Miss Lindsay Ray Perry, in the Oasis space today. When I tell ya this woman, is everything OK? I mean, everything. Y'all are about to be blessed in a major way. I am just going to tell you, like after we got finished recording this episode, I told Lindsay, like, girl, you just about hit every last one of these pillars of the piece pursuits. Right? Like I'm talking about Prospero's. I'm talking about understanding what I'm talking about relationally far-field. I'm talking about security. I'm talking about United. I'm talking about impact. I'm talking about thankful with gratitude, like just about every last one of these pillars Lindsay hit without even realizing it because she's just that amazing. So I'm just going to give you a little spill about who Lindsay is. OK, like, let me just tell you, Lindsay, right. Perry is a speaker, award-winning strategist, tech CEO, and business and life architect. Since the age of six, Lindsay was certain entrepreneurship was her life's calling, recognized by HubSpot as an impactful innovator and truth-teller who uses her platform to uplift and inspire forward-thinking paradigms. With over ten years of experience and strategy excuse me, strategic marketing and communications, Lindsay has contributed thought-leading commentary for local, national, and international media markets such as Good Morning, Washington, TRT, Global, and Sirius XM, to name a few. She is an award-winning strategy for innovation in the tech industry, as recognized by HubSpot in CRM.

But like so many who appear successful by Wortley standards, Lenz's high functioning anxiety, and overachiever mentality was driving her into the ground. A combination of depression and anxiety and a deep-rooted belief of unworthiness led to a nervous breakdown that landed her in the hospital. It was in this darkness that Lindsay remembered her true purpose to use her gifts to uplift other women to be paid bountifully for her God-given talents and skills and to be her boss. This shift from a mindset of scarcity to abundance has changed the course of her life. Now Lindsay dedicates her life to helping establish aspiring women entrepreneurs, eradicate their perceived limitations of grinding and live in freedom. She wants to introduce a weary and brokenhearted businesswoman to abundant living. Lindsay treats everyone like royalty and believes it is our birthright. She sees your vision, pulls it out, and gives you the tools to implement and sustain. That's why she created the I Am quotient, which helps her clients identify, align and manifest in abundant life and business of grace, ease and prosperity. Now, listen, I know that is a whole mouthful, right? But when I tell you you're out to get so much more because Lindsay can only tell this story and true Lindsay fashion. OK, I'm telling you guys, you are just going to be blessed by this episode. You're going to get so much from it. So, again, I just want to welcome you all into the Oasis space with Miss Lindsay. Ray Perry.

All right. My piece, forsooth. I am here with Miss Lindsay, Ray Perry. And when I saw y'all, she vowed to listen. She vowed to give you a whole world in this story because you know how I discuss it, my tag line, how I want the child to live your best life and embody peace without ever compromise your authentic identity. Well, that is Lindsay, OK? That is exactly who she is. That's how she shows up. She has a business where she teaches lady bosses. Exactly. That she gets to the core of the identity. And that's what makes her business different. Right. Like, we have so many businesses out here and people that are teaching about business savvy, that talks about, you know, structure and businesses and how to make the most money and all of that, which is cool and fine and dandy. But Lindsay has tapped into the root of getting to the core of identity. And that's what I love about. And so I'm so excited to share this space with her today, I'm so excited to have you, Lindsay, in the Oasis face. So welcome, welcome, welcome.

Thank you for having me, Patrice. And hello to all the peace pursuits. Yes. I appreciate you having me.

I'm excited. Yes, girl, I'm excited, too. I know that when I say like you are a lady boss that is also teaching other lady bosses about getting to the root of identity to create their businesses like that is not something that just comes out of thin air. Right. Like I feel like there is something that has to happen that inspires someone, that motivates someone to get to that point. Right. And I would love to know, like, how did you get here? What has inspired you to create a business specifically with that objective in mind?

Ok, well, first, my name is Lindsay Ray Perry. I am God's, favorite woman. I am a wife, a mother, a sister, a friend, an award-winning strategist outside of my life's purpose of helping aspiring entrepreneurs and lady bosses build abundant lives and businesses by finding identity. I also am a tech company by the name of apps admins, and it's an all-in-one cloud solutions company that helps businesses to grow and scale in the cloud. That's the systems and structures part. But how do I get to this whole thing of business and identity? I knew that I wanted to be an entrepreneur when I was six years old and ironically, my family called me Queen Bee because I was extremely bossy. But now I know that it's not just bossy, I just have leadership qualities. And I was always trying to delegate a responsibility to someone. So if I was in the right Soyland environment, perhaps they would have cultivated it and I wouldn't have shied away from actually being an entrepreneur. But how I got to the identity pieces being that I knew I wanted to be an entrepreneur all my life and going through my life trying to do everything, being an overachiever, believing that the equation to success was hard work and how many things you could achieve in going to college and getting that education and studying economics. There was always this missing piece to my life that never seemed to equate to fulfillment and it never seemed to equate to abundance financially or peace in my life.

And as an adult, I just couldn't understand it. And it wasn't until there I had a nervous breakdown, which I call a nervous breakthrough when I was about twenty-eight, twenty-nine years old that I was laid out in the middle of the street in Arlington, Virginia, and the ambulance had to scoop my body up off of the ground because I had had enough of doing all the things and I also had enough of my marriage not working. And I realized my business wasn't working either. And it wasn't until that point that I kind of set me down and gave me a panoramic picture of my life to make me see that I was broken, extremely broken, and that I didn't know who I was. I knew I wanted to be an entrepreneur and I knew I didn't want to live like impoverished. And I knew I didn't want to live life. How I saw it with my family hustling and grinding. And, you know, a lot of the women in my family were domestics and I didn't want that for my life. But it was deeper than that. It was my deep-rooted seed of rejection that came from my father, my mother, and my father. Two amazing human beings got together under complicated circumstances, which the world may call an affair, but it was my daddy just lying.

Let me make it plain because mom is a beautiful woman and she didn't deserve that. But, you know, it is what it is. Right? And so, you know, I was born out of that and I did not know that I was born out of that. And I tell this story, this story because this is where I recognize that this is where the brokenness was revealed to me. I was 12 years old and my relationship with my father, if I wanted to see him, I had to page him or I had to go to his job and work with him. I had to meet him in front of corner stores. I had to meet him at juke joints, gambling houses. If I wanted to spend time with him. It was always on his terms. And my father lived across the street directly from the middle school that I went to. And there was a day where my friend and I, missed the bus and I knew that I knew where my dad lived. I had never been to his home, but I knew he was home because I knew what his car looked like, had a Cadillac and a jeep, and I saw that he was home. So I said, hey, you missed the bus. Let's go across the street and let's go and knock on my door to see if you could give us a ride home. And I knocked on my father's door and.

Opened up, I think, like I have to remember this vividly, he cracked the window and it must have been the bathroom window because it was a rental house. Yes. Shaving cream all over his face. And he cracked the window and he looked and he said, Lindsay. And I said, hey, dad, you know, as a 12-year-old girl would be like, hey, dad, I'm here excited and extremely excited, especially this was my let me tell you, Patris like this was my first time at the threshold of my father's house. How home. So I was excited, but I was extremely scared and nervous because I had never had this experience before. So when he he he he cracked the window, he's like Lindsay. I said, hey, dad. He said, what are you doing here? And immediately I'm like, oh, man, this is not going to go the way that I wanted to go. He says, what if he mentioned his wife's name would answer the door and me, I'm like, I don't know. She would have answered the door. I didn't know the circumstances of my conception, so I thought she would answer the door. He said, don't come back here, I'll call you. And he did open the door. He just didn't open the screen door. And he slammed the door. And my friend, God bless her, she said I just said if I stood at the door and I was in shock and my friend said, come on, let us go.

So we walked home, 12-year-old little girls walked home. It took us about an hour and 30 minutes to get there. And I held the tears in my stomach and my throat the entire time until I got to my front door. The moment I got home, I burst into tears and cry my eyes out. And my mother was still at work at the time. And she came home and I let her know what happened. And that's when she sat me down and told me the story. She said the first thing she said was, Your father lied to me and goes into the story of how I came to be and how she would be rejected for trying to take me to family reunions and birthday parties when I was a baby and how I would be rejected. I was rejected before I was ever born. Right. Like this was my conception is so that deep-rooted seed of me not having that connection with my father that I so desperately desired. That was the catalyst that pushed me into overachievement. That was a catalyst that pushed me into wanting to be seen. That was the catalyst that pushed me into like, I have to succeed no matter what. Hey, Dad, come and look at me. When I would have connections with my father, as I told you, it would always involve me doing something right.

So I'm happy to perform.

So I never felt like my dad loved me for who I was. I never felt like it was OK to just be me. Because when you're a child of an affair, technically, and if you're a believer and you start to see God and want a relationship with Christ, you're looking at the Bible or you're looking at religion and they're telling you you're an abomination, you're a bastard, you're illegitimate. So the idea of being illegitimate is like I don't have any business on this earth. And that created an extremely deep-rooted seed of anxiety, unworthiness, depression. I hated myself. And from 12 years old on up, no one could explain that to me. No one talked to me about it. I didn't have the tools and resources of therapy. I didn't have the community. I was an only child, was my mother's only child. So I was I felt very lonely. I felt very alone. And all I knew how to do was just continuously run and keep performing in hopes that the rejection that I felt would be masked with, you know, love of my father, validation, some form of affirmation from someone.

And even though it didn't happen, I started to see my life through the lens of unworthiness and rejection. So I would walk into spaces right. Believing that I wasn't worthy of being there, I would overachieve and believe that I still wasn't worthy of the accolades that I was getting by. I would walk into friendships and believe that I had to be the savior. I had to be the one to initiate everything. I had to endure all the drama. Right, because that is who I was. I was not worthy of love. So use me at your discretion and throw me away when you have no more use for me because that's the lens that I saw in my life through. So a couple of that with wanting to be an entrepreneur and not having the foundation of really understanding that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, that I am worthy, that I deserve great things. If you don't have that, everything that you try to do, it's not going to bring you fulfillment. And it's not for too much longer. There's a crack in the foundation and you're going to fall.

Lindsay, you it so much there that you know, and if it is all good, it's all good, because how many of us in some way, shape or form have one taught ourselves, like from the very beginning when you even talked about being bossy in that how if you had been, you know, those things and those traits. Had been cultivated and kind of celebrated, how you could have utilized that differently and how just sometimes adults don't see those things in us to nurture that growth within us to you then going in and having this relationship with your dad and being so desperate for this relationship and, you know, kind of minimizing it to where you felt like you had to be doing something for his attention. Right. Like, I think that translates so much to a lot of us that are in these environments where we're trying to work so hard, be seen right. Be the best in this position. Be the best with, like you say, with our friends, be that all things to all people and you just hit you hit the nail in the coffin there with that because you were trying to be seen by your dad in this approval from your dad and it translates into so many other areas of your life, you know. So I think for me as I mean, you talk about it and you talked about how I mean, I know we're going to get to the business piece. And that was also my question. Right. But you've been talked about in your story of how it led you to what you call not a breakdown, but a breakthrough which I love. I love that. And so then you had been pressing yourself, pushing yourself so much with work. So I guess at that point, talk to me about how you were showing up. Was it that because you were working too hard, like you were working more than normal 40 hours, like what was going on?

Oh, my goodness. So I was career-driven, right? Like, I never envisioned myself growing up. I didn't believe that I would be married. I didn't believe that I would have kids. I believe that I would work. But I believe that I would be performing somewhere. That's it. And my life took a different turn. My God had a different plan for me. He wanted me to be a wife. Right. He wanted me to be a family woman as well as a boss. I was called to be all these things. But in terms of where I was living in Washington, D.C., and I was working in politics and media and I was hustling. I mean, I was grinding. I was I can't tell you a moment that I had off because my life was driven by career. Every event that I went to was networking. I didn't see the space and living a life of just having fun. It was all about, OK, I'm going to this event. It was all about strategic networking and going to this event and who's going to be there. And all this can be an opportunity for me, for my business. Like that's how I was living my life. And I was in that culture. And so I was working, working, working. Somebody called me to be at an event.

I was there. Somebody called me to do a television interview. I was there. Somebody called me to host or co-host their radio show on Sirius XM. I was there. Somebody needed me to pick up a gig that I didn't want to do. Like I wanted to say no, I would do it. I remember working on a project and let's be very clear. The compensation was very low. Why? Because I would say yes to everything. When you feel as though you are unworthy of good, great things, that you feel like this is just how people treat me, people treat me less deserving because I am less deserving. Hello. Can you see I'm an abomination like nobody wants me? I have the scarlet letter of rejection on my forehead. And so anywhere I go, I'm never going to get exactly what I want. Right, because I don't deserve it. That's that's that's subconscious. Even though I may have made it look good. Right. I made it look good on the outside. I had a smile on my face. I may have had this boss girl attitude, right. But deep down inside the core of me did not believe it wasn't a part of my belief system. So I was doing all of these things and I remember vividly doing a project or working on graphics.

I'm not a graphic designer. I get by, but I'm not a graphic designer. Right, right. Like saying yes to every single project. I could say yes to doing that. And also, you know, running media and planning holy events for like, you know, Betty, what I was doing a lot of stuff. Right. And I remember working on this project in my life got cut off in the middle of me working on a project. And I didn't stop and say, let me call these people that I'm working on this project with me because this is. Oh, my God. Right. Like I'm saying, yes to everything. I'm not being compensated. I can't tell you a moment that I wasn't working. Weekends were not a relief because I was so stressed out. Right. About how it was going to make ends meet. But I had all of these things going on and I couldn't understand why I wasn't it wasn't like materializing in my business. Why am I not? I'm hanging around with millionaires. Why am I not one like I'm doing work for millionaires? Why am I not? When I'm working my butt off, I'm flying all over the country. My first client from my business, the first business that I started in twenty fifteen was a presidential candidate. I was flying.

All around the country, why, you know, I was making a little bit, but I wasn't making that much, and then I started turning down six-figure jobs because it wasn't it didn't. I started saying no, but it was because I was being broken down. I was burnt out. I was getting ready to have that nervous breakdown. And it wasn't I was working so much that I wasn't even paying attention to my marriage. He was grinding. I was grinding. We will meet each other at home. We love each other very dearly. That's my best friend, high school sweetheart being together forever. But we were not connecting because everything was focused on the grind. And that's what we thought we had to do to be successful. Well, that did not work for our marriage and the time of our nervous breakthrough. We were growing in two separate directions and it wasn't until almost losing my marriage right into my marriage ended that I found myself lay flat out. That was the straw that broke the camel's back for me. I recognize that everything that I was doing was about my career and that was it. I wasn't cultivating any friendships. Everything was on networking and I wasn't cultivating my marriage and neither was he. We both were grinding.

So and I'm sorry, I don't want to cut you off, but it makes me think of a question. So if you both were grinding so hard, like it's like you realize why you were doing it, right. But do you think you weren't cultivating your marriage? Was it rooted back from the things with your dad or was it because you were just focused on the grind is was it similar for your husband as well. Like was what do you think was was the ultimate driving point for the disconnect?

That's a great question for me. I, I think that it's a myriad of things. But for me it was my performance-based life, like it was based off and do me I felt like the more that I did that there would eventually be some point that I get to that I didn't have to do it anymore, that then I can be right, then we can be together. Then we could do the things that we want to do. Then we could cultivate this relationship right now. But there was no balance. There was no harmony. It was just we're doing this thing. And I hope you see this because this is how I'm loving you right now. Like, you see, I'm out here crying and you need to read this. It was deeply rooted in my rejection. It was also deeply rooted in this cultural idea that this is what you do, you work, you work. And the more you work, you know, you should get more. We know that's not true. Like more work does not equal more money or fulfillment. However, when you grow up in a culture where that's just what that's what they do. My mother worked two, three plus jobs like she hustled to put food on the table without you know, she never pushed down on me, but that's what I saw.

So I even though I knew that's not what I wanted from my life. Right. My idea for my life was not to work to I wanted to be an entrepreneur and have freedom. That was a core value. But did I identify those core values? Not. In my head, I knew I don't want to be like that. I don't want to work my way up to them. I don't want to have this culture of white supremacy all over my back to slave my life away. I don't want that. I want to be able to call my shots. But if I know what I don't want to be and I don't have a vision for my life that I'm going to run towards what I see and what I'm focusing on is what I don't want. So that's what I was running towards, everything that I didn't want. I ended up kind of walking into that kind of walking into because that's why the Bible says without a vision, the people perish. Why? Because you don't have a vision for your life. You don't have any strategic steps to walk towards. You're only going to go where your focus. Right. So Routley. So I was focused on who I didn't want to be. And that's exactly what ended up being exactly.

Because essentially, as you say, you didn't realize, I don't want to become like my mother. I don't want to become I have a massive X, Y, Z. But you ended up becoming a slave to yourself because you didn't set any boundaries. Yes. And unfortunately, like you say, too, it wasn't even where you both were able to even nurture this relationship that God had brought together where this is something where it sounds like where you're like, I don't even think I could be a wife. So in your mind, a probably already registered and this is number two because this isn't something I was thinking for my wife. Exactly. I knew I was going to be a boss, so I can do this job and I can work myself to the bone. And my husband, he can't be OK because he was never on the plan anyway. He was never charged with it anyway. Whatever little scraps I got for him left me OK.

Exactly right. Exactly. Exact girl. And you just I mean, you fill that out, but not even that like not understanding that. That's exactly where I was like not knowing like the boss was number one priority. And then this marriage of fitting in. Right. Like it'll fit in somewhere. You're my homie. So we're going to be homies no matter what I do. Ain't going nowhere. I ain't going nowhere. We just got to be here, you know. And that wasn't that. We didn't even know-how. How to be married, and we didn't necessarily have real examples either, you know, so yeah, his idea, like his his his reasons for grinding, that's his story to tell. But I do think it's also wrapped up in a culture of manhood. You're going to learn that's what you got. You know you take care of your family. That's what you do. So absolutely. I think it's it's rooted in both abandonment and rejection issues that had to be dealt with in cultivated therapy. Christ. No. One, therapy, setting boundaries, having a real honest conversation. I remember after my nervous breakthrough, getting back from the hospital and laying on the floor, and praying to God. And that's when God just show me every woman in my family and the dreams that he had for them and the vision that he had for the women in my family and how there was something that was stopping them. And it was this idea that they all had this dream and vision.

But life happened to them and they became bitter might happen to them and they became angry. And God said I need for you to break the cycle. And it was at that moment, I was like, well, how do I break the cycle of, you know, bitterness and anger? And I had to go on my own. I had to go to where I was angry. And that's where the fatherhood. That's where the rejection. That's where I started to recognize, like, you are so angry and you're masking your anger and bitterness with overwork and doing things and performing and trying to make it look good. And you're insecure. You need to like I got to get this out of you. You got to get this out of you. Yet you work hard to be an entrepreneur, Lindsey. Yeah. You work hard to change the game in your family. Absolutely. But there's no way I can get you to that destiny if I can't cut this out of you. So let me cut on you. And that was in twenty seventeen. And I let that cut on me. I let him open me up in a beautiful way to see my life in ways that I never thought I could. Now mind you, my father passed away in twenty fourteen and I was there holding his hand when he took his last breath. I love my father. He was a beautiful man, just extremely and deeply flawed like we all are as human beings.

Yeah. So the forgiveness portion of for my father, I had done that, but I had to forgive myself. I didn't forgive myself. That's the key. I was walking around treating myself like a psychic. Right. I was walking around treating myself like an abomination. I was upset with myself for being Bullmann, but God had to love for me. And when I say God cut on me, I mean that in the most loving way possible, opening the up to every lie that the enemy tried to tell me of me being good in the moments where the enemy would whisper in my ear and tell me to take my life, you might as well just go. You don't belong here. You don't need to be here. Look at you. Look at your life. Nobody wants you. Nobody likes you. Lie, lie, lie. Like God had to walk me through every single lie and cut it with his word. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. I made you in my image. I love you. I take care of the birds. You think I'm not going to take care of you and you don't have to worry about what you're going to eat, what you're going to wear, what you're going to drink. Seek me and the kingdom. I add all these things to you. I am your father. I am you’re exceeding a great reward. That's what he told Abraham. I love you. I had to let God love me. Love on me as my father.

Right. And that's the thing, Lindsay, because a lot of times what keeps us away from really embodying that peace and get in that break that we need is being willed to look at ourselves in the mirror and be able to be vulnerable to show the parts of us that we don't really like about ourselves, the things that we have been hiding and trying to keep hidden like you say behind this mask, the things that we told ourselves, the ugly lies of the devil-like you say. I whispered in our ear and acknowledge that these are the things that have kept us trapped because nobody, especially like you say, when you are showing up in your killing in the workplace and people expect you to be a certain way, you don't want to come across as being less than or that. I'm insecure because people are expecting me now to be this confident person all the time. But when you got to show up in the mirror by yourself, it's like it's just me to you. It's just me and me and myself, me and Lindsey, me and Petrie's. And I'm looking like I don't like the way I look right now. I don't like the way I feel. I don't like the person I've become that kind of thrill. It's not to be willing and obedient, to be receptive to that. And that's why that's a major game-changer. And that's the difference because.A lot of people will say and talk a lot of stuff about, well, I know and they'll identify maybe what their issue is, but they don't want to get to the root it to do the work and understand, well, this is the things that I'm feeling about myself. This is how I've been perceiving myself and this is what I know I need to do to change it. Right. That's the step. The first step is to lat the man in the mirror. Michael Jackson was right all these years back. And I'm asking him to change his way of life as your dad had, you know, had this influence. What it's like. What are you now going to do with your life? this one is part of it, but it's like, OK, what are you now going to do to change the trajectory of your life? Because it doesn't have to define you. Right. And so I know you mentioned, which is beautiful. As you said, he ended up passing away in 2014 recipes to your dad. But you had you were holding his hand when he passed away. So how did you guys how did you come to, you know, embody peace within that relationship and cultivate that relationship? I understood my father's story. I understood that he was a deeply broken man who was abandoned by his mother and his father. He was raised by his grandparents until he was seven years old.

And then his mom came back to get him. And that for that is something that he never forgot. And so that transferred into his life of insecurity, that transferred into his life, of how he treated women in the kind of relationships he had with women. But I understood his story because he I, I liked the question. Yes, I had conversations with him when I knew that he was sick, even though he didn't tell me I knew my father was sick. So I knew eventually he would go sometime within a couple of years that he was passing. And we would talk on the phone and I would ask him questions and tell me. And I would he would open up to me about how the mistakes that he made and some of the decisions that he wished, you know, he would have made differently. And we had a beautiful ending. And I was affirmed by my father when he passed away. His last words to me were, you are the most amazing human being I have ever met. And you just wait to see how good life is going to be for you, baby. My baby girl, I will never forget it because it was everything that I need it. Everything you need, everything. And I still am. But I still haven't forgiven myself though. But he did he we have it. We have a beautiful ending and I wouldn't take it away from the world but that was that forgiveness.

It wasn't just for him, it was for me. I have no regrets. I don't have any. What is I don't even have any questions about what would my dad say? Because I listened and I had conversations and I questioned him because I didn't want him to leave this earth without me knowing who he was and how that played a part in my life and my story. Because if I could understand my father and my mother's story, then that gives me a baton to run with, to know what I need to change for the next generation, that I can identify things in my now two-year-old son. Right to say, huh? I know where that comes from. I need to cultivate. Right, right. Right. So I'm just grateful that God gave me that insight and that wisdom and that discernment to lean in, even though I didn't know that that's what I was doing. I'm glad I had that. And I am, too, because it's such a good point, right. That you did not allow your heart to be so hardened with anger, even though, like, the point where you realize, like, I needed to forgive myself and there were things. Right. That you still maybe hadn't discovered fully yet what you need to do to get to your fullest potential of this breakthrough or whatever, or to your fullest capacity of how you're walking to your purpose now like you were able to push past this anger enough to realize like I need to be able to understand this man.

I need to get some understanding because he is merely a human as well. And I need to understand what is his story. I need to understand why he made some of the decisions that he made. And I think so often sometimes we become so entrapped in bondage to our anger and our pain that we fail to realize that other people have stories that are connected, that are kept in bondage, that caused them to make similar mistakes or to hurt people. Right. Like they hurt people, hurt other people, but heal people, heal people. There we go. There we go. And you begin to understand it is now allowing you to create this impact, to now break these generational curses. Right. It's allowing you to now identify, like you say, even patterns in your baby, like, OK, well, we don't get to the root of this and we go, we're going to nip this in the bud now with me something. Right. Nip it in the bud with him through me. I have the baby is still inside of me. Maybe I need to check myself. Right. Like not necessarily breaking anything on my son, but. Breaking something in me so that what I'm giving to him is a healed hold, blessed life, like that's what I want to pass down to him.

So, yeah, no. Yeah, a whole poleward their whole world. So I guess I would assume I mean, you have come full circle, right. And I mean, obviously your work, your walking, and your purpose. As I say, you certainly work with these other entrepreneurs and businesses. And I can say that's ultimately how you got to this point where you're working with these women to identify get to the root of the identity for their business. Right. What I saw was in my business, the first business that I started, right. Officially, like LLC was in two thousand fifteen. And I had all the systems. I knew the cloud solutions that I needed. I knew the marketing that I needed and I knew how to network. I knew PR like I knew how to do all of that. But what I did not have was identity. Right. A solid identity and understanding of who I am and who I am and how I should serve and how I should show up. So I was running around doing all the things that people teach you to do in business like you need to up your marketing strategy. You know, come to my seminar and I'll teach you how to gain six-figure months with the framework. No say, but I'm just being like all of the things that you need to do.

Right, to have a successful business. But the truth is your business is never going to be successful if you don't feel and find identity, period. The reason why I was saying yes to everything and you know, you have clients that come to you that, you know, you don't want to work with, but you work with them anyway. Why? Because you strapped for cash or you want you just want them as a client? No. Well, you know, you are you don't have to do that. So I see it all the time. I run into a lot of women entrepreneurs and we have these conversations on my own, a business, and they get so excited. But then I start to hear that same brokenness that was inside of me, that weariness, that rejection like slammed in your face. There was something deeply rooted. And I always go to the context of the mother and the father because I notice where it stems from. And I know that some people are like, why you want to know about it? It's not all that deep. And I'm like, Oh, but it is. And it is. You want to do what you want to. You want to build a series. You want to have an impact, right? You want to be a Lady Blossom impact the lady blossom purpose. You don't have to know who you are. Like we have to identify the woman that we want to be. And I must say this, and I say this very lovingly, but a lot of us women are grown little girls, right? We're like women, you know, little girls masquerading as women.

Why? Because you have to heal and reconcile with that little girl on the inside of us. So, yeah, you look the part. Yeah. You may have the rare bottoms. You may have a bad year. You may even have a car. But what can you look at yourself in the mirror and say that you're completely one hundred percent OK with who you are? Are you fulfilled? Are you have an abundant life and by abundance, I don't just mean money, right? I mean, do you have an abundance of peace? Do you have an abundance of joy? Do you have an abundance of love? Do you have an abundance of self-control? Right. Is that is that bottle that you're that you drink tea, you have a glass at night, or do you need a whole bottle in my right? Do you understand what I'm saying? Like, really. Right. And the reason why I say that is because I, I understand that. Right. I was there. I had to check myself. I had to let God cut on me. I had to fast from something. So you have to know who you are. I know who you are, who you are before you decide that you want to actually jump into this marketing and systems and get all the structures for your business altogether.

And that's why I created the I am quotient. And we know we know all looking through your world I am and let us know, what does that exactly stand for? I am the I am quotient was given to me by God and about twenty seventeen when I had my nervous breakthrough. But I didn't do anything with it because I didn't know what was supposed to mean. But it comes from that I am I will be who I will be, I will become who I will become for you in every area of your life. And it stands for identify a and manifest, identify who you want to be, identify the woman that you want to be, and what are your core values. Align with those core values. Align with the. Do you are doing exactly what it is that you envision yourself doing? Are you hanging around the people that you envision yourself hanging around? Are you are those aligned with your core values? Are you saying that you want relationships that bring reciprocity, but you're dealing with people that you're only giving to? Are you saying that you want to be a woman of impact who flies all over the world and a philanthropist? But you're stingy and you're not generous. You know that. You have to check if you're going to be. That I am and you want to manifest that result, you have to make sure that your ID and what you want aligns with who you desire to be.

A whole world. A whole world. And it's a lot of sounds like a lot of requiring you to be self-aware. Right. Because I can say all day long, like, oh, I'm generous, I'm giving it up. But like you say, I'm stingy and I'm not buying it. Right. When you hold your hands, how you also ain't got room to open up for a blessed need there. We know-how. So open. Listen, girl, you just said a whole lot. So I guess just kind of like wrap it up for those women that I mean, I honestly don't know if, like, you painted the picture so vividly that I feel like I don't know how they would not get the picture at this point. But if there is someone out there that feels like, hmm, yeah, Lizzi, that's cool. And that is cute, but I feel I'm a fuckin guide and I'm a fool. Keep doing this. I'm going to keep doing that. Like, I got to get this money and whatever side, I guess, to look for before because we don't like to say what we do is we learn so that we don't have to have someone else go through what we went through. Right. So what do you think? What would be some signs that someone could identify that may be to tell them they need to take a break, they need to slow down, they need to maybe start looking within themselves.

They need to start embodying some peace before they reach a level where you did where you had your break, your breakthrough, you know, your nervous breakthrough. What are some signs that may be that they can identify that will show them, like, OK, I need to pause? I need to press pause here. Do you have joy? Are you happy? You stay up all night thinking about all the tests that you have to do OK tomorrow? I know I got to do this. This and this. And this. And this. Are you taking a break? Can you lay your head down at night peacefully without thinking about the to-do list? Are you present? If you're married, are you present with your husband? If you have children, are you present with your children? Are you taking time out for yourself? Do you have a designated day of rest where you know, work, where you do absolutely nothing, where you're going to get massages, where you're going to get IV drip infusions, where you're going to just get a mani-pedi or you just take a nap or you want to sleep for that day? Do you have a day of rest? Are you checking in with the people with who you say you want to have reciprocal relationships? Are you taking days out to be like, hey, girl, you want to go skating? I did this yesterday.

My girls love. They are known to do those things. Are you making time for things other than grinding? Right. Are people calling you to do something that you know is not it's not aligned with who you want to be, but you say yes anyway. Why? Because you want the back, right? Are you minimizing and reducing yourself to spaces that do not celebrate you? Are you staying on a job, a nine to five or nine to nine, and trying to over-perform overexplain overwork yourself to prove that you're worthy to be there? And this is particularly with black women as well. Are you in a space to think that you can work your way up to this glass ceiling that can't be broken because you're really on a hamster wheel and they already know you're a threat, but they'll never tell you that until you discover your threat and decide you can leave and run circles around that company when you build your own? Like these are the things that you have to think about. Do you have joy and do you have anxiety? Are you having panic attacks? Are you going to the doctor saying, I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack? And they give you value because they tell you nothing's wrong with you. Why? Because you have anxiety.

Are you depressed? Do you sometimes find it hard to get up at night or get up in the morning or do a simple test? Sometimes when you have extreme highs, you also have extreme lows. When you have these moments that give you some temporary feeling of validation, for instance, you may do a media interview or you may co-host the show, or you may get a promotion on your job. But shortly after you still feel unfulfilled, you still feel like something is missing. You still cry yourself to sleep at night. Are you having suicidal ideation? These are real things that you'll never know because of the stuff that we smile and put a mask over and we can just live through, oh, do you have a shopping addiction? What substances are you using? You know, are you going a little bit overboard with the food? Are you going under with the food? Are you not eating or are you taking care of your body? Are you loving on yourself? Are you getting rid of relationships that don't mean you any good? This is I can go on and on and on and on. And then we've had a lot of them. You say it. I've lived it, girl, all of the above. So I know that what you're saying is absolutely 100 percent resonating with multiple listeners at this moment. I know for a fact it is. I know for a fact is a girl we could be sitting here talking for eight hours, OK, I love you.

So we can I out from the people, they don't mind. We can put this out like a Netflix binge when you've been on Oasis. And I do want to be mindful of your time because like you say it right, listen, you just walk me through how you are doing it. And you also got a husband and a baby. And I want to be mindful of that girl. I want you to continue nurturing those relationships. I want to say this, though. I lived in a space of, you know, my marriage, you know, the at the brink of failure. Right. And the brink of divorce. And knowing that I wanted my marriage to take the steps and taken a pause, like after I had my nervous breakthrough, I stopped. I tried to keep going. And then God was like, no, just let me work on you. And I worked on my friendship with myself, with God. And then and through that, you know, we had miscarriages. And that's when I recognized, oh, man, I do want to be a mama. I can't really do want I want. And so I ended up having our son, our beautiful little son here. He's two years old and he changed the game for me. My family is a priority. My family, that's my core values, integrity, and that's my core value, my honor, and love.

Those are my core values and people-loving people. That's my core value. So if it doesn't align with that, then I can't do it. I got to go. Right. You know, so. Yeah, no, I love my family and we're good. I have such. Amazing days, like I, I let me say this flat broke in 2000 thousand, what, 18, 19, 20, 19, moved to Charlotte, North Carolina from Washington, D.C. with absolutely nothing. Still had the impulsion in my mind and my heart, nothing. I was going to end up using it. We ended up, of course, we ended up finding a place to stay and building. We knew that it was our temporary. We knew that it wouldn't be forever. When I finally said, OK, now it's time for you to move forward. But I was practicing this. I am quotient, this formula, this holistic formula on myself and our building. My Cloud Solutions company went from zero to a six-figure business. I'm here with grace and ease. Let's not get it twisted. I take a day off every single week. And not only that, but I also have my weekends. So I only have three to four days of work. I have whole employees and I'm like, this is a blessing for me right now. And I leave it to God. I have strategy meetings with God daily. God, how do you want this email? How do you want me to talk to these people? Who do you want me to hire and why? What is it that they need to be doing? God, what do I need to be focused on? Do you know what I mean? Like, right now, that's how it's applied to my life.

I like to be God in my life in every area. And that includes my business because it's not mine. Is he is? He gave it to me though. So. Yeah, no, I had to say that I just felt led to say this so that people could understand like, OK, well where are you now. Let me, let me let you know. Like it got blessed, as he blessed it and I didn't have to grind for it. Right. I don't have to work 60, 70 hours a week. I still make time for my family. I still make time for myself. Your girl takes very good care of her. So if I have fun, I always live for your pictures when I see them on your what? Your rest Wednesdays. I'm like, how can I get a Wednesday break? Because, I mean, I'm like felt like anybody that knows me, knows how rigid myself care that I'm making is. Like I do not play, I'm like my family. Laughs I me how much I keep my phone on do not disturb, but I do not play on Sunday. So it's like but I'm like, well wait a minute though.

What if we say like I need to see what that is like talking about on this Wednesday. It's my day of rest and I intentionally plan and I get so excited. I'm like, oh, what am I going to do next with this man? Yeah, I love all of that. Had to work with me on that because Wednesday is smack dab in the middle of the week. Everybody's working. And because I'm a retired, recovering workaholic and grinder certified team, no sleeper, he had to sit me down like a Wednesday out of you. I'm like a baseball game. Oh, I cringe. And it took me a minute. And literally, I would sit there as I got on my system. His email real quick. I hope she has one email. I'm like with this ain't working and we like this is for you. This is your gift. I'm gonna have it like this is for you. So you have a day like if you don't want it, I mean, I'll gladly take it from you, but and girl, I have so much fun. I just love my Wednesdays. I love it. I love it. And because people don't understand how much it revitalizes you to show up better than for the remainder of your week, it allows you to show better for your family. It allows you to see your client and allow you to better yourself.

Absolutely. And I just love that. And I think it's so vitally important. So thank you for bringing it back home to L.A... All relaxed. How important? Like, listen, I was Vrinda, but I let that go. I made sure that my core values are at the center. You know, as I say, Lindsay, I want to be I want to make sure you keep these core values at the center girl. Yes. I honor what you're doing and I love everything about you, girl. And I just love you so much. Thank you so much for being a part of this. I want to just end with some rapid value questions as if you haven't already provided enough. But I like to just end with this like four questions and there's no right or wrong answer is just literally the first thing that comes up the top of your mind. OK, OK, well, they very my I promise is going to be OK. So question number one, what is one thing you like to do to sustain or reset your piece. Oh, man. Bubble, I won't say it's got to be outside of your window. The bubble baths with good nice light depending on how I'm feeling and Neil. So playlist or maybe some time because we'll get. Girl, I love you with some candles and a glass of red wine and lemon-like essential oils, bath bombs. That is my jam girl wee fibrocystic speaking.

That is why I will light a candle all over this little place. OK. OK. OK. Number to name a book or a song that's helped you to define peace. Oh, my goodness. Look for a song. Yes. Whoo! OK, so right now I'm reading Redefining Wealth for Yourself by Patrice Washington Archerd. And it's necessary. Yes. That is so practical. That's what I just love, the fact that she just she's not just out here giving advice. She's like giving you the tools to follow the advice. I love that. I think that has provided me some peace. I'm not even gonna lie. I know I told you I love time. And there's this song that I just love to listen to. I look at myself in the mirror. I sing it to myself. It's quite amazing. I'm not going to sing it to you because I know my heart is my time. Yes, it's very easy. I must send it to you. And I say, yes, I felt because the words are amazing. I'm incredible. Outstanding. That's what you are. So it's something that I look at. I look myself in the mirror, you know, and I say, amazing. I'm not they I'll come up with the same all outstanding. That's what you are mind-blowing your beauty. No, wait, girl. Come all right. In love. Yes, yes. I love this song. I am about to go look that up right after this.

I'm going to send it to you. I'm sending it out. What I'm doing is I'm creating a playlist of what all of my guests share. So that will be easy for them to access love. OK, so sidebar. Yeah, is a love-making song, but for me, I take songs and make them into my own, like turn them into my supply. I'm singing this to myself. I'm, I'm. Yeah. And I'm OK. Yes. OK, question number three, how do you define peace for yourself now. How do I define peace for myself now? Oh, man. Jesus. Jesus, Jesus, that's the answer. Yes, peace is a person. Listen, the name and his name is Jesus. I'm I mean and sound. So I mean, I know it sounds like surface level, but what I mean by that is No. One that I'm in Christ-like I'm seated in place is like I'm here. Right. But in the spirit, I'm seated. I'm seated. I'm in the palm of God's hand. I'm good. Like, I know that I have never seen a religious site and nor has said begging for bread. God has never left me. He's never forsaken me. So that's my peace, you know. And another song I wanted to say, another song. OK, refiners, the refiners buy more everything. No, that's how I put my baby to sleep at night like or in the day. And that that's his favorite song on that moment together.

Like when it's nap time I turn on the refiner and he's like I have known that that song brings me peace y. Yeah, just a ratchet but yeah I like a burger. Yeah, I like them both. But that right. I mean I love that song. Yeah. That one that in your way is my favorite by. Oh gosh. Yeah. Everything OK. Last question. OK, and this is going to be three blanks but the first one is going to be your name. OK, so it's my name is blank, and without peace, I'd probably be blank but with the peace I am blank. My name is Lindsay. Right, Perry. And without peace I would probably be hustling, grinding and unfulfilled, unhappy, and not making an impact in this world. And with peace, I am living the life of my dreams. I am. I have the family of my dreams. I'm living in peace. I'm building an abundant life and business with grace and ease. And I'm living in prosperity. Girl, I walk in with you again. Livvy, this has been amazing. Like literally so many jewels that you drop on this episode. I'm so grateful to you. Thank you for being such a beautiful spirit that you are thankful to be my sister. Girl, I love you. I love you. Oh, you guys can join my community. I'm always I'm looking forward to having people in my community. I love you. And it's the community on Facebook.

I just wanted to say that because I do want people to join so that I can, you know, help. Absolutely. Absolutely. And I will also drop all of your information in the showing of how you can get in touch with Lindsay because I know they are going to be people that want to work with you, girl because you are everything. So all that information will be included. If you want to get in touch with Lindsay, like, say, definitely join the community. She is another great group of women that are a part of this community that is just going to pour into you the same way she is. Pour it into us through this episode. Well, thank you again, Liv. I love you so much. And you are phenomenal like you are. You are on the right path. And I am so proud of you because I just I'm so proud of you. You already know this. Like, I am extremely proud of you and I love you. And I thank you for having me. And you, girl, I cannot wait to see what is about to happen in your life and with this podcast, because you are the real deal. You are the real. Thank you, honey. All right. I love you. I love you. OK, now, did Lindsay come to bring Maggie or not? Like one of these days you're gonna start, believe me when I tell you at the beginning that these people are nothing but the truth that I'm bringing up in the oasis face.

OK, like I'm trying to tell ya when I said on the first episode, I am here to be a peaceful disruptor, that man, I was coming to also bring all of the resources that were also going to disrupt all of these women and beliefs that you may have all of these negative thoughts that you maybe have in all of these beliefs and these corrupt ways of thinking that you thought you were going to be able to settle on. Oh, now, baby, we're going to dig that right up. We're going to dig that right on up. I am just so honored to have shared this space with my she is just such a beautiful spirit. You could tell that she knows exactly who she is and who she is serving and she does it with such grace. I am telling you, like. I feel is no way that you couldn't have gotten some jewels out of that episode, so you can follow Lindsay at Lindsay, Ray Perry on all social media platforms. I'm also going to put her information in the show notes. You'd like to work with her directly. I think it would be her pleasure and your pleasure. And I can confidently say that because, I mean, look at all the things she dropped in this episode. Like if she did this in a less than 60-minute episode, think about what she's going to do for your business as a coach.

You know, I'm saying like you also I got so high I was ready to end this rap, this little episode right on up before she told us how she got to the other side. Like I had forgotten she had so many jewels, I didn't even get the piece. I was about to get the piece about how her family is thriving now, our marriages blessed, how our businesses are booming. You know, like, listen, so many jewels. But again, I hope and pray that you all were blessed by this episode. If you were, I would adore for you to write and review this episode. And above all, I really would love you to share it with someone, because, again, this is too good to keep to yourself. Right? It is about sharing wealth. And in this case, the wealth is this knowledge that was dropped in this episode. So if you feel like someone else can benefit from it, please share it with someone else. And again, I would love for you to join me in my community, which is the Oasis Space piece pursues community again. You can find all the ways to engage with me in the show notes as well. And so next time you all, I want you to live your best life and embody peace without ever compromising your authentic identity. Loving my young.